Games to play at work - No. 1

For any waitresses out there, here's a mean (but funny) trick to play on your customers.

Wait until another waitress has seated said customers and presented them with menus. Monitor the expressions on their faces. Be diligent in this - it's all in the timing. If they're looking particularly excited by the menu selection then this works all the better. Just as they look like they're about to come to a decision approach their table, as though you're about to take their order, and announce, "Er.... the kitchen's closed now".

Watch the expressions on their faces as they try to understand whether that means they aren't going to get their food and wonder why they were seated in the first place if that is the case. Hilarious!

This actually happened to us last night. Oh how we laughed! Thankfully it turned out to be a case of waitress miscommunication... or so she told us.

Things you see every day but don't really notice - No. 1

Sign outside lift on ground floor of my building:

"Do not use lifts if there is a fire"

If I was more prepared I would have taken a photograph but you'll just have to take my word for it. I can understand why you might place such a message on any of the other floors but the ground floor? It begs the question, why would one be entering a building (because that's the only thing you're likely to be doing if you're accessing the lift from the ground floor) if there is a fire inside said building? Unless of course one is unaware that there is a fire in said building, which then means that one would ignore the message anyway, which kind of renders the message pointless, obsolete and a waste of space, wouldn't you say?

Australian speed limit: 60! No, 20!! Wait!... best make it 50

After a weekend travelling to visit Toby's parents in Highfields, near Toowoomba and back, encountering numerous signs for roadworks that never quite seemed to eminate and getting stuck behind cattle movers and road-trains doing 40kph on 100kph roads, I thought it was time that I shared with you this fascinating example of Queensland road management I snapped on our trip to Bargara, near Bundaberg last June. It tickled me so much at the time that I made Toby reverse back down the road so I could lean out of the car and get a photo. I hope it tickles you just as much and helps ease the Monday maladies.

Should have, should've, should of

It's easy to see how the mistake could be made. I mean if we take time to think about it, it's obvious that the correct way to say you should have done something or you might have done something is just that: using the word "have". For example, if I'm talking about how I should have taken sugar on our recent Easter camping trip to Girraween National Park, I'm not saying I should do it (because it's clearly too late), I'm not saying I have done it (because that would be a lie), I'm saying I "should have" done it. But I probably wouldn't say "should have", I would shorten it to "should've" which sounds like "should of". I'm not even sure if "should of" makes sense, never mind what it means.

People that know me also know that whilst I'm not particularly good at grammar, I love reading and writing and I am a bit of a stickler for correct spelling and correct usage of the English language. I'm one of those people that bought the Eats, Shoots & Leaves book [see footnote *] and read it thinking "oh yeah, that really peeves me too". (Apostrophes in plurals particularly get my goat, e.g. Fish and chip's. Grrr.) In recent years, probably since moving to Australia, I've noticed more people saying "should of". At first I figured it was probably due to a difference in accent or pronounciation but then I started to notice it a lot. I've even started correcting Toby and I hate that in myself. I sound like an angry school teacher but it just seems that I'm hearing it more and more and if I can in any way influence the masses to stop making this annoying mistake I will do so.

Then, a couple of years ago, I read a book which actually had "should of" there in writing. There was no way that could be mistaken for accent or pronounciation. I think the book was "The Power of One" by Bryce Courtenay, an otherwise excellent book. Every time I noticed it was in dialogue so I thought that maybe Courtenay was presenting it as slang, something the South African characters might say in error. I decided to let it slide. Now I'm reading another book, a classic, some may say: "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" by Ken Kesey and again, littered throughout the book are references to how one or another of the characters "should of" done something. I can't bear it. This is supposed to be literature. We give these books to our kids to read at school and does anyone ever think to point out to them that it is grammatically incorrect to say "should of" instead of "should have"? Again, in the book's defense, it is written from the viewpoint of a native American who is a patient in the mental asylum so perhaps it is an error that the character makes as opposed to the author. One can only hope. How are people supposed to learn correct grammar if our literature is riddled with bad examples of it?

I am right though, aren't I? This error seems so prevalent that I'm beginning to question myself. Does anyone else get annoyed by this kind of thing or am I turning into one of those grumpy old women on the TV show?

* Footnote: Please note, I "bought" this book. To say I "brought" it has an entirely different meaning and this is another really irritating mistake I have noticed a few people make lately. (Perhaps I should become an English teacher).

Yawn! Is it bed time yet?

Hello. I just thought I'd pop by and say hi as I haven't written an update in over a month. I've been somewhat fatigued over the last couple of weeks and today I feel like I could crawl under my desk and have a good old-fashioned snooze, or "power-nap" as they are called in professional circles these days. I've had quite a few days off work lately thanks to some mysterious virus... possibly the same mysterious virus that I had this time last year as the symptoms are similar. The doctor has put me on iron tablets and ordered that I go on holiday. Who am I to argue? Anyway, due to my recent sick leave I currently feel like I should just struggle through the day as best I can which is why I'm here and not at home having that old-fashioned snooze.

I'm not the only one mind. Toby has also been struck down with very similar symptoms and has been unwell for even longer than me. He has a potential name for his illness though - Dilbert Syndrome or something. It's a genetic illness which is triggered by spending too much time working or at a computer. I suspect he has inherited it from his father. Dilbert Syndrome affects the liver so together we're on a good liver, high iron diet. I'm not really sure what a good liver diet is but it's low in sugar and fat. A high iron diet also means avoiding certain foods that prevent the absorption of iron and these include some of my most favouritest things unfortunately: coffee, tea, red wine (ouch), chocolate (double ouch) and ice cream. I think though, that you only have to avoid them whilst you're actually trying to absorb the iron so a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate between meals should be fine.

On top of all this, not a day has gone by for about a month now when at least one person from my office has not been absent due to sickness. We're thinking of blaming the building we work in because it's horrible and must be responsible for something bad. The worst thing is the windows. When you're sitting they're at about eye level, maybe slightly higher. For those of us on the fourth floor this means you can just about see the tops of some trees that are about 1km away and lots of sky, maybe a couple of clouds if you're lucky. The windows are about a metre high and apparently this doesn't restrict our vision quite enough because there is also a metal grid on the outside of the building so in fact you can only just see the tops of the trees between the bits of metal. Our manager and section director don't have grids in front of their windows though... I swear the windows are lower too but that could just be because I'm usually standing when I'm in their offices.

The second worst thing about this building is the air conditioning. It's always really cold and some days are colder than others. Some days there is a perceptible draft. Today is one of those. So not only am I tired but I'm also cold. I was going to give you all a quick update on my wedding plans but instead I think I'll go make a cup of tea... iron disabsorber or not!

Tune in next week for wedding plans, car hunting and my Easter trip to Girraween National Park.... providing I get around to actually writing about it all, that is.