The Unprofessionals

I'm upset with my rental agents. They will remain unnamed of course, otherwise I may get myself into trouble. The title of this post is merely an indication as to how I feel they have conducted their business in the past (although with regards to professionalism they are slowly improving). That is all it is. A title. Make of it what you will.

I honestly have never known such a fussy house to live in. We have inspections every six months and it feels like much much more, to the extent that we've started looking for evidence as to whether they are in fact occuring more often. The house is slightly more difficult to keep clean on account of the fact that it's large and has many residents, most of whom don't clean up after themselves and are so disgusting that they leave their droppings everywhere. I hasten to add that most of them are spiders and ants. We have the occasional gecko lodging with us and now and again a cockroach visits to steal food. Toby and I put our droppings in the toilet or the bin (depending on the kind of droppings) and we are quite good at cleaning up after ourselves. The insects, on the other hand, take a lot of looking after. The spiders in particular like to make webs so they can gather dust. I don't know why they like dust so much. Perhaps they read my weird dust post and they're saving it up for when it becomes important international currency.

The lady that used to deal with our property has given us a few headaches in the past, mainly due to her Jekyll and Hyde personality. One moment she'd be quite normal and the next she'd be snarling at us and jumping to her own defence at everything we said no matter how innocent. Before inspections I'd run around cleaning and tidying until the house was spotless and sparkly. And then she'd leave a note saying "Window sills need dusting" and it would turn out there was some dark hidden corner of the house that I never ventured into with one dusty little window.

Besides all this I am working quite hard at becoming a good housekeeper, mainly thanks to the friendly advice the agent leaves after the inspections ("Clean mould from windows." Mould? What mould? "Tend to gardens." We've got a garden? So we do, would you look at that!).

I've even been known to voluntarily take down all the net curtains and wash them and a few weeks ago I took to cleaning the windows. This was no mean feat and despite spending an afternoon two weekends in a row doing it I didn't quite get it finished, especially those pesky windows that are behind security/fly screens because you have to remove the screen to get to the outside of the window and it's the kind of palava you leave until you have the time for it really.

After the run-ins we had with our previous agent (which I won't go into in detail mainly because I can't remember them) I was rather pleased to hear that we had a new agent assigned to our property. I found this out when I called them up regarding another inspection that was imminent. They chose a really inconvenient time to call round. I'd been sick the previous week (with 6WMV) and had only managed rudimentary cleaning that weekend. They gave us slightly less than a week's notice and chose to come around the following Monday, the weekend after the wedding.

Frankly, I was far too busy to care about the whole running around making the house sparkly and clean. We live in a clean house and we take good care of it so I decided the agent could take us as she found us. Which was just as well really as we didn't get home until 10pm on Sunday night anyway. We'd brought Toby's cousin back with us so I called the agent to warn her there may be a young man sleeping in the house and could she give him a call to let him know when she'd be there.

Turns out it was two days before she actually made it to our house. I think that might be illegal because the written notice was for the Monday, not the Wednesday but I'll let it slide (for now).

The other day we received a notice from the agency asking us to tend to the garden (damn irritating in itself as Toby spends almost every weekend we're at home cutting the grass but I'm not going into this right now). The thing that got me was that there was a little note attached to the back of the notice. Guess what it said. Go on, have a guess.

"Windows need cleaning"

Ah! Well! There are no words. I was dumbfounded. "What does she mean 'windows need cleaning'?" was about all I can manage. The *&^$&$(#$ windows are (*$#%*#$& clean!!! I cleaned them! I spent hours cleaning them. Just a few weeks ago. Without anyone having to ask me to do it. I just did it. All by myself. It was my idea. They look great. (Except for a couple of the bedrooms which I didn't get around to and maybe the dining room window and the pesky windows that are behind security/fly screens but it's a work in progress and I was going to do it just as soon as I had a weekend at home and got a goddarned chance to do it!!!!).

I am incredibly hurt by this and am seeking comfort in the thought that the windows I did clean may have made the ones I didn't clean especially noticeable. But really, there's nothing worse than working hard on something and feeling all proud of yourself just to have someone to not only not notice, but actually ask you to do the job you have already done!

Come back Mrs Hyde, all is forgiven. And I promise I'll deliberately leave something unseen to so that you have something to comment on at the next inspection.

Sorry for the long ranting post. I really needed to get that off my chest. 'Preciate your time. Thanks for listening er.. reading.

Honey, the ants are eating the sealant again!

Okay so I didn't quite manage to get back to blogging over the Easter holidays despite the fact that I do have lots of little stories and nice photos I'd like to share with you all. No, I spent most of the time researching laptops which are called notebooks these days. I don't like that term because it makes me think of something containing paper which you would write on with a pen and that's not really what I'm looking for. Anyway that's a whole other topic and for all you geeks out there I will blog about it someday and soon.

What prompted me to write today is the recent discovery that the ants in my bathroom like to eat the shower sealant. I noticed this a few weeks back when a good crowd of them had gathered on the edge of the shower screen. I was wondering what could be intriguing them so much so I leaned in to take a closer look. Imagine my astonishment when I realised that they were eating the sealant between the glass and the metal frame. Suspecting this could not be a good thing for the future of the shower screen, not to mention the health and safety aspects of the bathroom, I gave the ants a quick warning by splashing them with water which they don't like because apparently they can't swim, blowing on them and yelling "Run away ants. Go home because I'm about to take you out. This is your final warning". Most of them heeded my warning and those that were left got wiped up. I figured I was doing the colony a favour by removing the stupid ants from the gene pool.

This morning they were back again but on the other side of the shower screen and this time they were really going for it. They were so into it they didn't budge when I splashed them. What is it about the shower sealant? It doesn't look that yummy to me. I have come to the conclusion that I live with a bunch of crazy, starving ants. Does anyone have any idea why the ants would eat the sealant, whether this is bad for the shower screen or really won't make that much difference, and what I can do to stop them (if deemed necessary)?

At least I don't have the problems some Bangladeshis have been discussing on the ICT Bangladesh Yahoo! Group (according to APC magazine). Apparently they are quite adept at preventing "Mr Ant" from getting inside their laptops notebooks and eating their circuit boards and wires. Tips include, creating a moat around your laptop (I'm sorry but I'm really struggling with this "notebook" thing) because ants can't swim, keeping food away from it, moving to Saudi Arabia which apparently has no ants (a bit drastic but could work) and drawing a chalk line around the outside of the machine (but not inside the machine which would not be good). Apparently this works best for cockroaches (what?!). Personally it brings to mind crime scenes involving dead laptops. By far the best quote is the following:

"Go to the residence of Mr Ant. Say good-bye by destroying his colony"

Wise words indeed.

As one who is soon to be purchasing a laptop and lives with a crazy bunch of sealant-eating bathroom ants, I'm a little worried. I shall be purchasing a Naphthalene ball which I shall place inside my notebook so that "insect will hate [my] notebook and [I] will be charmed with sweet smell."

It's a nice day for a white wedding!

Saturday 8th April was indeed a nice day for a white wedding which was just as well because we went to one. Well, actually it wasn't that white, more a sort of vintage-silk-and-lace-in-an-off-white-almost-very-pale-green-kind-of-colour wedding. Well the dress was anyway although it was much nicer than I have described. I'll have to see if I can find a photograph. Unfortunately I didn't get too many of the bride and groom because when the photographs were being taken we took the opportunity to take a family photo whilst we were all dressed up so here you all go. This is my Australian family. Ah! Bless, aren't they dead canny?

This weekend we're back at Toby's parents' place so that Toby and his Dad can build a carport, only Toby kinked his neck on Thursday night so has only been able to do light work. This meant that his mum and I have had to do a lot of the heavy lifting tasks. Let's just say it has been an interesting exercise in communication, planning, "authority" ("respect ma authoritaahh!!!") and teamwork.

I think I'll probably be back with more photos and updates before the end of the Easter break but just before I sign off for today I have to share some exciting news with you all. My best friend Catherine and her hubbie John have just had their second baby, a boy called Joshua John. He was born two days ago and she has already sent me through some lovely photos of the baby with their (almost) four year-old daughter Jessica. I hope they don't mind me mentioning it but I'm very excited by this news and can't wait to see them all again when I'm next home.

Hermit Crab

Try as I might I simply can't think of a song with lyrics relevant to a hermit crab. For some inexplicable reason the words "Froggie went a hunting, he did ride, a-hum" keep springing to my mind and clearly they have absolutely nothing to do with crabs. I'm not even sure if they are the right words.

Anyway, because it was so beautiful at the weekend we went for a snorkel. It was so calm we were able to jump in off the rocks, something we can't usually do as there is nearly always at least a titchy tiny bit of surf. Usually we go off the beach and swim up a sandy channel and out around the rocks. We were at Shelley Beach in Caloundra. The visibility wasn't great, I guess because of all the storms we've had lately, but everything else was perfect. There were lots of fish to see and we tried to photograph some but they didn't come out too well due to the low viz. So instead we hassled the hermit crabs in the rock pools where we sat drinking beer after our snorkel. We even saw some weird hermit crab convention where they all climbed on top of one another (kind of like "pile-on", that weird game we used to play at school where one kid's on the ground and everyone else piles on top of him, except they were walking around). I got a movie of it which I will put online when I get the chance to edit it. Goodness knows when that will be.

Why I love living where I live...

Beautifully calm Buddina beach on Saturday 1st April 2006.

"Oh I do like to be beside the seaside, oh I do like to be beside the sea."

Why I love living where I live....
... because occasionally I can force myself to get out of bed, put on a bikini and walk for about two minutes until I encounter a beautiful paradise such as this beach where I can either go for a walk in the sunshine watching sandcrabs scuttle into their burrows, or I can comb the beach for interesting and unusual shells washed up in the latest storms, or, as I usually choose to do, I can dive into the crystal blue waters and really wake myself up.

Besides the fact that most of my best friends and family aren't here, why would I want to live anywhere else?

It's a bit different to the angry ocean featured in my poem anyway.

Ah Grasshopper....

Confucius says "is this a grasshopper? I'm not sure but it looks like I imagine a grasshopper would look." Wise words indeed.

"You give me fever in the morning, fever all through the night".

So sang Peggy Lee, Sarah Vaughan, Madonna and indeed it's what I was thinking early last week. Yes, I've been sick. Still am actually. And according to the lady in the local health shop it's a virus, it's doing the rounds, lots of people have been getting exactly the same symptoms as me, it lasts six weeks and there's nothing! NOTHING!! you can do to make it go away quicker. And she knows. She probably knows more than the GPs because I think more people spend a couple of minutes popping in to the health shop than a week for an appointment followed by an hour in the waiting room. So I have now resigned myself to the fact that I am going to be somewhat indisposed for the next 4 1/2 weeks. Thankfully, the worst of it seems to be over and I'm regaining some kind of normality in my life but sadly I am watching people around me drop like flies as they develop the Six Week Mystery Virus (or 6WMV as it is known in medical circles). I'm just praying it isn't bird flu. Which is silly really because I'm not even a bird.

Anyway, one fortunate aspect of being sick was that I got to meet my good friend Confucius. That's him in the photograph, hanging onto my sick tree. I don't think the tree has 6WMV as it has been sick much longer than six weeks.

I just have to say, before I pop off, that the weather has been absolutely stunning lately and that I have been taking lots of photographs. I am going to try and upload one a day or every couple of days for your perusal, rather than driveling at length about nothing very much (although there'll be a little bit of that around too because I can't help it. If you don't like it you know what to do about it.*)

Oh yes, and the other fortunate thing that came out of being sick is that I successfully identified Mr Clack (I think). He's a Little (or Brush) Wattlebird, a kind of honeyeater. I have not managed to get a photograph of him yet as he's a bit elusive but you can find one at Birds in Backyards. Honeyeaters are beautiful birds but very noisy. Their squawky calls just don't quite match their elegant form. Last week I spotted a striking blue-faced honeyeater, lots of photos of which can be found at http://www.birdphotos.com.au/bluefacedhoneyeaterweb/index.htm.

Anyway, enough about birds. I'm popping off now. Til next time...


(* For those of you that don't know the answer is leave a comment. Or send an email. I love hearing from you all. That is, of course, assuming that anyone other than me or the guys in the office bothers to read this blog. And the guys in the office only read it because I excitedly yell "I've updated my blog" and then stand over their shoulders watching them until they pretend to look.)